The privacy of a souvenir store.

Souvenir stores are eating shit. Actually, I’m gonna drop that bit.

Most big-city souvenir stores carry exactly the same inventory: keychains, magnets. . . mugs, postcards. . . mini license plates featuring every white name in the baby book. . . t-shirts emblazoned with everything from “FBI: Female Body Inspector” to “I’m Not Gay, But $20 is $20.” Occasionally, they may carry items people wish to purchase.

From this brief description, you already know exactly the kind of store I’m talking about.

But despite the fact that almost all of these businesses look completely identical on the inside, they’re also the ones most likely to absolutely FORBID photography of the merchandise.

“NO PHOTO. NO VIDEO. VIOLATORS WILL BE PROSECUTED,” they may say, in large signs posted all over the store.

Uh, why?

What exactly are they trying to protect here? What intellectual property rights govern a plastic “#1 Nephew” trophy that has an extra bit of flaking-off molding attached to the bottom of the cup where it meets its stand?

Why the rush to censor a set of colored pens that are half-empty from being used to scrawl teenagers’ Instagram handles in the corners of the test pads of paper?

Again, all of these stores are the same, with only regional differences depending on the city they call home. You can google photos of any random souvenir store right now, even. So why the hell is L.A. Fame on Hollywood Boulevard so stringent on making sure there’s no evidence of their displays on the historical record?

I wouldn’t be surprised if souvenir stores are engaged in seedy, illegal operations that they want to keep secret. . . but nobody cares. No one’s trying to expose clandestine operations while on spring break with their parents.

And while I have taken photos of items in souvenir stores before, I’ve never once looked back on them. No one else will, either. But the overly-sensitive signage gives off a very desperate and paranoid look. ✍︎