The lie of the "healthy" chip.

"Healthy" chips are eating shit.

Why does every brand of “healthy” chip think they’re going to be the ones to change snacking forever?

You know the ones I’m talking about. They’re often made by small mom and pop operations. They have friendly-looking packaging. They’re “natural,” or made “with” vegetables, they’re “baked” instead of fried, and they might “contain protein.”

Now, I happen to like these chips. Not because I actually believe they’re any healthier than a bag of Lay’s — I just happen to like the “complex” flavor of the quinoa, pea, flax, or what have you. Plus, whatever, supporting a small brand rather than PepsiCo.

But every single family chip brand has that exact same shtick going on on the back of the bag. In the top-left corner, there’s always a letter to you, the consumer, from the family behind the brand, and they always have the exact same story. The family grew up working on their farm and served their homemade chips to friends. Then they decided they wanted to share their “better” chip with the world. Now, they’re growing their humble business in order to "change snacking forever, one chip at a time."

Well? Has it happened?

Because. . . it’s certainly been a long time now, hasn’t it? Probably more than a couple of decades since the first wave of these new-age snacks hit grocery store shelves. And there’s dozens of them doing it.

Has snacking changed? I don’t know, it kinda seems like the majority of the country eats just as unhealthily as ever, doesn’t it?

You’d have thought that if any one of these brands actually managed to REVOLUTIONIZE SNACKING FOREVER. . . we may have heard something about it. If someone created a salty snack that was indeed as beneficial as biting into a carrot stick or raw broccoli floret but also as delicious as junk food, it would make international news.

But no, there is no such snack. Nothing’s changed, and this is coming from a fan. At most, we may have created some confections that are just marginally better for you: less ingredients overall, less oil, less fat. But those metrics are hardly important to anyone, and those who do benefit from these health claims probably aren't reaching for a bag of chips in the first place. These chips are not healthier in any real-world sense of the term.

So what happened? It seems like the family farms only got two of the essential steps down. They started with a vegetable — that was good. They took a chickpea, beet, green bean, or pea — some interesting, healthy vegetable that the average person wouldn’t have seen made into a snack before. And they succeeded on the other end, as the result usually tastes delicious. It’s just the middle step, the keeping it healthy like the vegetable from which it was derived. . . that part didn’t quite happen.

See, the same way any fly-by-night rental car agency can “take a reservation” (but not hold it), any food scientist can also “take a vegetable” and do all kinds of things to it behind the scenes and give you an end product that tastes good. But somewhere during the baking process, they can also do something to that vegetable that makes it not really a vegetable anymore. And analogous to the rental car agency “holding” the reservation, it’s the HOLDING the nutrition that matters. Anyone can just TAKE them.

I wouldn’t even care about any of this if it weren’t for that damn letter on the back of the bag! The promise that this one would be the one, the chip that would change snacking forever!

If you’re a snack brand and you want to revolutionize snacking forever, go ahead and do it! I'll be the first in line. But don’t go and make the promise if you’re not actually going to do it! It’s not like a vegetable can’t be turned into something snackable, you’re just not doing it. Why not? Maybe you're afraid the end result would taste a little “weird.” Like, “health food store” weird. Instead, you’d rather they taste conventional enough to sell en masse to the general public, not sacrifice taste so that they can stay nutritious. So, that burden is on you. Save the inspirational, revolutionary, impassioned message for the family farm that comes along and actually changes snacking forever. ✍︎